A Solitary Journey

There are times on this journey of mine, the one I contracted for, the one I agreed to, when I have been given moments to pause and go...WHAT?

I am sure I am not at all alone in this experience. Every one, every single person has moments in their lives where they have cause to wonder why something happens, why ugliness is allowed, why loneliness occurs, why it seems at times that our life journey is particularly hard or distasteful, all of those things...

At the moment, my journey is a relatively solitary one. I am human, I enjoy the company of good people, I love cooking for and interacting with others, I need the solace that comes from interacting with a like minded person, as all humans do. 
At the moment though, my journey appears to be a solitary one. ALL attempts at letting people in to my inner circle, opening up to others, invites to a meal a coffee or a chat are being spurned or for totally valid and non personal reasons, just not working out (A sick child, bad timing, not enough notice, busy lives etc)

This has made me stop and pause...for three weeks now (possibly longer) the only contact I have had with other humans is superficial and fleeting; a five minute chat with the person making my coffee, a glance and a wave at a familiar face down town, a little joke and a laugh with the fabulous team at my local post office, all of which are wonderful moments, however, no lasting and deeper interaction.

So, since "coincidence" on this scale seems ludicrous, I have looked at this moment and asked WHAT??????

If you are a frequent reader of this blog (not that my posts have been all that frequent lately...sorry) then you know that I generally follow my instincts and the tugs at my heart that let me know louder than words that I am being offered a direction and guidance from the team of divine beings that I constantly interact with.

So...what is the direction, what am I being told, what lesson is there to learn in all of this solitary confinement I seem to be experiencing at the moment? I actually still don't know.

There are some things I DO know though.

Through each of these seeming "rejections" of me as a person (and P.S. I am an amazing person to know *silly grin*) I have constantly heard a phrase from a book I read once called The Four Agreements that states, "Stop taking things so personally!" OK...so, lesson being, breathe, relax, be grateful and thankful, and stop taking it personally...I get that, and have "chucked" some dissolving fluid on those thought patterns, and released the need to take it all personally..."Job done," I say to my team, "So now can I have some company?"

Hmmm...it seems "No," was the answer to that question as the polite declines, and some not so polite declines kept coming in.

"Be happy in your own company before you invite someone else in to join you. That way, you will know whether you enjoy their company, or whether you are seeking them out through desperation," is the next thought I heard whispered on the wind. This one seemed a little more complex that the "Don't take it personally" insight, I mean, after all, I am truly happy in my own company, I LOVE alone time and be myself time and not responsible for any one or anything time. I pondered, in a light and non thinking way, on this recurring thought. In the silent times, the alone times, the no company for weeks times I have noticed a tendency for my brain and ego (damn them...*Wry grin*) to intervene with ridiculous and ludicrous thoughts like, "You'll always be alone," "No one really loves and understands you," "You can only ever rely on yourself, everyone else will let you down," "Perhaps there's something wrong with you/me?" These thought patterns are totally dismissed for the ego driven rubbish that they are, from my concious mind at least, so I dug a little deeper and pondered a little further and found that perhaps still a part of me (a very small part of me) might possibly believe some of these things. I sat by moving water, breathed deeply, immersed myself totally in the moment and the surroundings and the universe as a whole, and again "chucked" some dissolving fluid on those particular types of thoughts and promised myself I will totally be on the look out for that kind of ego sabotage in future.....feeling lighter and more buoyant as each moment passes.

At this point, I have given up of fathoming the lesson...that's right, I threw in the towel *laughing* In the end, I stated quite emphatically to my divine team, "This is not what I want, nor what I contracted for, so, guide me to change it...in human time please" Then, I let the whole thing go and went to dinner by myself in a lovely restaurant. I took my drawing journal and sketched faeries while I waited for my meal. This made people look at my book and several struck up a conversation. I chatted to the people in charge of serving me for the evening, I had lovely interactions with complete strangers that were complimentary, and genuine and heart warming.

Then, it dawned on me (I'm a bit slow sometimes I'll admit) that the moment I stopped struggling and questioning and, I'll admit it, demanding, people were automatically attracted to my energy and bought themselves into my space, however fleetingly.

So, for the moment, my journey is a solitary one, but not for one minute am I really on my own. I am happy to be me, I am happy to be uniquely different, weird, and eccentric. I love me dearly, and I am/can be patient in waiting and learning and growing and for sometimes to NOT understand the next step or the current moment.

I write this post, wondering if somewhere, some beautiful, magnificent and totally awesome light being needed to hear that they are not the only one who feels lonely, abandoned and isolated at times? 

You're not alone dear one, I'm right there beside you at the moment.

With love and light
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Another key secret to success

OK, so I'm on a bit of a roll at the moment *smile* and am being asked to pass on these really simple, yet impactful truths about the way I view myself and the things I do in terms of being successful.

Just as an aside, we all have our own models for what "success" actually looks like, obviously, when I am talking about this topic, I am totally influenced by my own definition *wry grin*

So today, I was confronted with remembering another key to living a successful life. It is so simple I actually overlooked it as a key factor...duh.

Speaking kindly to yourself and loving your whole self from your every particle is one of the BIGGEST contributors to being successful. 

There is simply NO point to putting yourself down, punishing yourself, or dwelling on mistakes and perceived rejections. The only thing this does to and for you, is to slow you down and undermine your confidence in taking the next step.

Being human, there WILL be mistakes, there ARE moments I am sure I would have liked to choose another path or another way of dealing with a situation. There are times when I feel TOTALLY lost, and places I wish with all of my heart that I had NEVER put myself in or chosen (Reading the fine print on the contract far more closely next time *laughing).

However, what I know now (finally) is that NONE of these things has the power to stop me, to dissuade me or to prevent me from seeking my truth and my successful life. None of these things are worth punishing myself relentlessly for, nor are they necessarily moments I "had to go through" even though they have certainly acted to show me my strengths. None of these things, "mistakes" if you will can define who I choose to be. They are only moments in time, not great ones, but all the better for that.

Forgive instantly, love unconditionally and respect yourself for not only who you are, but the person you choose to be from this moment on.

With love and light
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

A key secret to succeeding in life...

There is no one secret that can be passed from one person to another, that will guarantee or prove successful for every person. This is not a "one size fits all" kind of life (awesomely cool really!). However, having said that, I have found there are some key ingredients which, when added to your overall mix, most certainly add together for having the highest possible chances.

One of these things is looking at the list of things you wish to achieve, from the biggest (reaching thousands with my words of healing and message of love, having children and parents read my stories and discovering the magic within) to the smallest (getting the laundry done and my four year old pixie in bed at a decent hour) and then make some decisions.

Your time is NOT an infinite resource, each moment in time is quite precious and should be treated as such. Making decisions about how you prioritise your time and therefore the things that are the most important to you, is a great way to start ensuring that when you spend time on things they are important things and that you are maximising the time you spend.

There have been times I have been so wrapped up in being supper Mumma, in having home baked goods for the lunch box, having a spotless and ordered house, and being extra super organised about getting us here, and being there etc.  I often find, during these times I am pleased with my "Superness" and yet, these are the times that, when my little one goes to bed, I realise we didn't do much playing, or spending time together.... *REALLY sad face* In short, I realise my prioritising of my time did NOT match with the things I feel are most important, and I feel awful!!!!!

I look at my time as a commodity, valuable beyond compare (and the time of others also). My "to do" list is filled with things I feel are the most important, and this is updated daily to change with my changing priorities. 

With this, there are also a LOT of things that I have NO time for, refuse to make time for, and account no priority to at all....

Complaining about "stuff"
Negativity
Self-Doubt
Things I have no control over and am powerless to change.
Worry 
Stress
Nastiness

...and a whole heap more, but I know you get the point *smile*

If you don't feel as though you are walking fast enough towards you goal, have a GOOD look at where you are spending the very precious commodity of your time and see if making a few changes might not improve matters.

After all, the clearer you set your intentions and focus on those things you wish to see more of, the faster the universe acts to create the opportunities you need.

With love and light
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

It's all about perspective really

Exponential learning curve for me in the last few months has been the concept of choosing the way I view potentially negative situations. There are a lot of times in my profession (my real world profession of teaching that is) where I am confronted with massive amounts of ego, of people taking things personally and then seeking revenge and general nastiness.

I have often struggled in coping with these situations without feeling large amounts of heart hurt. It makes me feel terribly sad to see the way human beings treat each other, it is only us, of all creation, that has this incredible sense of cruelty towards others of our kind. *sad

I choose a different perspective, that has been long in the learning/remembering and understanding of. Often I have heard people say, "Just smile, it will either make them warm to you, or annoy them, either way, you win" While I don't necessarily subscribe to this exactly, the intent is sound.

During a particularly trying time of judgement and conflict with and from others, I finally found myself in a place to practise seeing differently in a way that was easy.

I have a fantastic imagination and I bought it into play in this defining moment. *smile* It was like this; a beautiful light bringer friend of mine sees the love energy we share as brightly coloured bubbles (awesome right?) and so, when I felt myself subjected to some not very pleasant "stuff" I pictured myself blowing love bubbles at them. Soon, I saw the tantrums as amusing rather than annoying, I saw the nasty comments as a reflection of their lack of self worth rather than a personal affront to me (I know this is still a judgement...baby steps...*smile*) and I looked at all of these behaviours from INSIDE the biggest, most multi-coloured love bubble you could ever imagine. It worked. I came home feeling NO impact whatsoever from THEIR CHOICES...none!

There was a moment or two where even the love bubble trick was not working, and in those moments I sang a little nonsensical ditty inside my head that went something along the lines of, "There's a light being here, and another over there, there is light in their clothes, their is light in their hair, there's a lot of lovely light in the air, everywhere, it's a lovely kind of day."  Who couldn't be smiling after singing this to themselves? *Laugh* This served to remind me that even though the current actions chosen were not from a place of love, that the amazing light bringer was in there still, and that was who I would choose to see and direct my attention to.

The FREEDOM I feel today is amazing....I released my need to judge others for their actions, embraced the love and light that resides within us all regardless of our current choices...and I did it all by singing and imagining big bubbles of love...how easy is that!?

With love and light
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoox

You're allowed to have bad days

One of the things I have remembered recently is to allow myself to feel how I feel no matter how that may be.

Choosing a path of love and forgiveness in all things has it's "moments"; moments where it's lonely, moments where it's frustrating, moments where playing by the rules (the rules of our own personal integrity and therefore our own making) is difficult and seems unjust, moments where it seems to be a disadvantage or weakness for a moment or two....oh yes...it can be all of these things, just as any other path can be.

What I reminded myself of today, was that having one of these moments does not mean I am failing at, or lacking in anything. It means I am human, and that while I share the very nature and love of the divine, I am also subject to these moments that seem to have no understanding and no purpose. At these times, I choose to just let the feelings run their course. Sometimes this means phoning a friend, or sharing those thoughts and moments (although I do try to be cautious about sharing these moments who love and support me and are happy just to hear me out) or to ask for help in passing through these moments.

I seek solace often in the company of nature, whether through the soothing energy of the sea, the majestic patience of old forest trees, or the young and energetic comfort of my veggie garden, nature is a magnificent healer, and a lovely place to convalesce so to speak.

I think it is important to step away from judging myself when I have a "moment" like this, to not feel I am failing or taking a step backwards or in any other way view this experience as a negative thing. It just is...it is just me in this moment. I also see no point in trying to suppress or hide these moments from myself either (although naturally I attempt to ensure others aren't impacted).

I guess what I am attempting to say is that it is REALLY OK to have a bad day...even a few in a row if need be *wry smile* sometimes, walking away from these moments I come to a fuller understanding of who I am, what may be troubling me, and the direction I would like to choose to avoid another moment like this that is the same...at this point, having this moment becomes a gift, another skill to add to my healing tool kit.

Give yourself permission to feel in whatever way you feel. It's not wrong, or right, it just is ...

With love and light
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Smiling when your heart hurts the most

This is one of those arts that I have perfected over the long-term, smiling and "putting on a good face" so that no-one even suspects I am hurting at any given time. Walking through the world with no one aware of what is going on inside my head. While this has been, for me, a survival skill, it has changed over recent years into something more positive. I am thankful, therefore, for all the times I used this tool to help me hide, because it has taught me to use it for a far better purpose now.

I look at the world sometimes, and I shake my head, my heart hurts, I feel complete bewilderment and sometimes anger. A world where little ones are not always safe in their classrooms, where cruelty happens to people and our animal friends daily, where slavery still exists and so many starve and are without help when they need it. 

In times like this, while my heart is hurting and I just want to weep, I find smiling, finding something to be happy and grateful for, is the first step to healing. I am not just talking about being brave or putting a good face on it. I am talking about genuine joy and gratitude even for the smallest thing. This kind of love sends out an energy. I cannot give those little ones back their lives, nor can I provide food and freedom and basic rights to the MANY who lack for them. What I can do, and it is no small thing, is I can send my love to the world, I can be grateful and joyful and allow that loving and positive energy to infect others, and still more others. I can ask forgiveness for those who I perceive need it, and I can send love and comfort across the globe in empathy.

I don't find that ranting and raving without action a healing and helpful thing, not for me, not anymore.

Sending love into the world tonight
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Not a moment is wasted

I am asked to remember today that not one moment of our time here is a wasted moment whether we are procrastinating over doing something, whether we are in a moment of pain or grief, whether we are in a place or a job we would rather not be in r whether we are in a moment where we feel completely connected and at peace with ourselves and the world...all of it matters and not a moment is wasted.

Each moment we live is a moment we are remembering more about the contract we signed and the path we choose for ourselves. Each moment allows us to more perfectly walk the walk and to grow into being more perfectly us than the moment before. Even if the moment is teaching us what we do not wish for ourselves. 

I find myself remembering conversations with my senior art class where I was asking them to show me and demonstrate to me who they are as people, yet without using words or pictures of themselves. The concept title was "Symbol Soup" they were being asked to define who they are and who they choose to be using symbolism and moving away from the literal. Hard ask! However, one of the conversations that emerged as they thought and felt their way through what I asked them to do was the concept of defining who we are, by stating what we are not.

It seems then, that I am asked to remember this conversation to highlight to myself that moments that seem very much like ones I would not possibly have written for myself, and yet I have obviously humanly chosen to be in through free will, are moments where I am able to define my direction, by being confronted by what I "am not" or what I would no longer choose.

I asked the question of my team today, "May I know more, may I rewrite the contract so that I can remember all of the information that led me to sign?" In other words, can I know the whole picture, thus reducing the frustration of following each little step without knowing where it will lead. The answer was simple and immediate..."Yes."

I suddenly woke up to the understanding that the limits in knowledge, foresight and in outcomes all come from me. I CHOOSE to withhold this knowledge from myself at times, and if I can choose to withhold, I can also choose to have full disclosure.

Suddenly, as this thought occurred to me, I felt at peace, and all the things I was concerning me with no longer seemed to matter any more (well at least not in the sense that I need concern myself with the outcome.) I felt freer and lighter. YAY team *smile*

So, I walk into the world with my new set of understandings tomorrow and see where they take me.

With love and light
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

The power of a choice

I felt the overwhelming urge today to rant a little bit...to let loose on a powerful surge of dissatisfaction, misunderstandings, injustice (as I perceived it), angst and a whole list of other things. As this diatribe was on my tongue and in my finger tips I stopped  I didn't feel right about unleashing that type of energy, and I definitely didn't feel right about giving more power and energy to situations that I certainly didn't feel appreciative of.

I did what I always do in such situations, I went and sat outside in my garden. Lately I feel I may possibly have worn a groove in my seat out there *sigh*

Slowly, the anger subsided, leaking out of me and into the plants for them to disperse. As this started happening, I started to hear the things, I suspect, my divine team had been trying to tell me all day *wry grin* I started to get flashes of insight on controlling what I could and releasing what I could not control. I felt that overwhelming urge to surrender the whole situation to the divine...slowly, but surely, the need to unleash a diatribe of invectives passed me by.

Frustration led me to this place, relaxing in my tranquil garden in silence and without thinking, released me from taking actions out of this frustration.

I was reminded again that NONE of us are victims, we ALL have the ability to make choices. We are co-creators in our own reality (the other creators of course being the divine) and that there is power in the ability to choose. While I did NOT choose the circumstances I was put in today, I did choose my response. While I may not have chosen to be confronted and judgemental about what I experienced (in the short term response) I did choose not to give in to the impulse to take action on that judgement or to hurt another because of it. While I did not choose the actions of others, I (eventually) did choose not to let their choices spoil my inner peace and calm.

We were given the power to choose in order to release us from the trap of judgement and anger, and to give us the power of co-creation in our reality.

With love and light
xoxoxoxoxox

Moments to regret or to feel protected?

I am reminded again today that my perspective on a situation makes all the difference as to how I view it, experience it, and am left with it in the end.

There are moments in my life where I was being verbally abused by someone where, in that moment in time, I didn't say all the things I was thinking of to say in response. I call this an angelic gag order *smile* Where I REALLY wished later, that I hadn't let the opportunity pass by to say what I really thought. However, what I was reminded of today through hearing a similar story from someone was that, in that moment in time, I am actually being protected from doing myself harm and also from visiting harm on someone else. After all, what I am thinking in a heated and highly emotive moment, in not necessarily what I may be thinking later either. 

I have also had moments where I have inadvertently overheard others speaking about me in a less than favourable way. Hurtful at the best of times. However, I have come to view these moments with gratitude because it is a moment that shows me REALLY clearly, the place from which these people are operating, and allows me to make a clear choice about whether I spend further time with them or not, or take them into my confidence etc. 

There are times too, where I have acted as a victim in terms of relating what was "done to" me, and I am gently, yet firmly reminded today that I allow people and their choices to impact me, or not. Their actions are their choice and therefore so are the consequences. If their choices come from ego, it is they that will ultimately have to be responsible; those choices are THEIR issue, and not mine.

I feel often that my divine team protects me from little traps of ego, judgement and "humanness" through bringing to light the path that those around me have chosen. While in the moment it may hurt to see others perceptions in this light, I now choose to be grateful that I was led to see this in no uncertain terms.

With love and light
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Thoughts

Often I have spoken about the use of words and the fact that our words have power. This holds true in SO many ways. The way we voice things has an energetic impact on our "reality". Focusing and voicing all the seemingly negative aspects of our lives, brings about more negativity...it is the law of attraction...the universe will provide more of what you think about and speak about the most.

On this point as well though, I felt it's necessary today to specifically mention that our thoughts are the same as words to the universe and to the divine.

Our thoughts and our capacity for co-creating are so powerful, in fact, that they have the ability to make or break us.

Most of the things that cause us pain, do so because of the way we think about them.

I know that seems really dumb...after all you can't help thinking about some things, especially things that have a massive impact on you personally...well I know I can't stop thinking about things like that.

The message I got today though clarified this concept for me a little more. It is not thinking about something that makes it painful, it is the WAY we think about it that can be harmful for us.

Thoughts are choice and are subject to our free will. No one can control what and how you think about things, although some people may try to influence those thoughts. *smile* It is one place where we are totally free.

I am practising the art of distancing myself from negativity in my thoughts. So while I may still recall the events of a seemingly negative moment, by changing my thought pattern and viewing the event in my thoughts with detachment and without getting caught up in blaming, accusing, judging or anything else like that (remember I said I am practising) I am finding it easier and easier to move past difficult moments.

With love and light
xoxoxoxoxoxox

Honouring yourself

Something that comes up for me quite often is the need to reinforce and honour my own personal boundaries. I am often a bit of a people pleaser, I have faith, trust and belief that people will not act to hurt me, and have trouble seeing it when they do. People have often commented to me that I should expect people to let me down and when they don't, OI will have a nice surprise....to that...I say, "No thanks. That's just not who I am."

Having said that though, I struggle at times to adhere to my own personal boundaries. I find myself doing things I don't want to prioritise time and energy to just because I don't want to let people down. I find that I will put more importance on the need of others, rather than on what I need personally, and a whole lot of other things like this.

What I have relearned lately, is that in doing this, in allowing others to be more important than I am to myself, I give people permission to stampede all over my boundaries.

I have also relearned that I can set a boundary, respectfully stick to it, and not give it any more energy. A dear friend of mine reminded me that all I have to do in these scenarios is set my intention, and then stick to it. Once I have made the decision, it is no longer necessary to think about it, discuss it or to in any other way feed energy into the situation. Done and dusted! Such marvellous advice *smile*

So now, setting the intention to just be me, to stick to my own boundaries and agendas (living from love and light) and to no longer feed energy into situations by over thinking them or discussing them further.

With love and light
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

When "why?" and "how?" don't matter

I know that a few days ago (maybe a week) I wrote a post about having a "why" to what you do being really important. I'm not going back on that now don't worry...*smile* There ARE times though, when why and how have no relevance to you at all.

I am often confronted by what I see in the world around me. My heart is hurt often by the actions of others, even when I am not directly involved or the recipient. The question I sometimes torture myself with is "Why? Why would someone behave in that way? Why would you deliberately act to hurt someone else, to sabotage them, to judge them?" (what ever the story might be.) The other question is "How? How did this happen? How CAN this happen? How did I allow this situation to develop?" and other how questions like that.

These How and Why questions are actually completely irrelevant when it comes right down to it, and in fact, in a way, they are a form of judgement.

So now, I am really stern with myself about these things. I remind myself that the why and the how are totally irrelevant and that what I need to focus my intention on is not trying to figure out what, to me, is totally unfathomable, but what my desired outcome is and what I intend to do with the information I have now that I may not have had before.

For instance, someone I trusted completely betrayed that trust in telling a third (and unfortunately a fourth and fifth as well) party some information I had confided to them. For me, this is a big deal, it crosses one of those major personal integrity lines, and as we know, those are the hardest things to forgive. I know that the person who did this, also knew that I felt very strongly about my perception of betrayal in this situation. So, when I found out, my first response was to ask, "Why would you do that to me when you knew it would hurt me?" It seemed a deliberate act of harm *heart hurt* Setting the "why" aside, because there is no way I can decipher someones motive for their actions with 100% accuracy  I then asked myself a FAR more important and TOTALLY relevant question, "What are you going to do with this information now that you have it?"

The point of all this is that the only person's actions I can control are my own, the only responses I can govern are my own and therefore, that is where I choose to focus my energy. I know me REALLY well, I know what I choose to accept, my belief system and my responses in most situations, and so, this is where I choose to concentrate my energy.

In this situation, the answer to the question was simple, "Well, with this information, now that I have it, I choose to forgive that moment of human/ego based "stuff" and to see the real light within that person, and to forgive myself and not punish myself for trusting someone that chose to betray that trust.  I ALSO choose not to ever take that person into my confidence again so that there are no more opportunities for them to hurt me. I choose not to judge, and to accept that that was the other person's choice and therefore nothing to do with me. I choose to move on, and I say thank you to my divine team that I could be given a situation to see that this was not a person I could confide in any longer. I choose not to be angry, because that will only hurt me."

By choosing to focus on "what happens next" rather than, "why and how did that happen" we can manifest an outcome rather than sitting with the problem and letting it hurt us further.

With love and light
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

With a heart full of gratitude

You know that when we each look at the world, it is through our very own, unique set of filters. Our filters are determined by our experiences, our perceptions, our innate personality and our choices. There is nothing wrong with having filters, in fact, they can be quite useful; for example, I choose the filter of positivity and delight as a lense through which I view the world. However, knowledge of our own particular filters is also quite useful.

Yesterday was one of those days where I was looking through a filter of frustration..... as you can imagine, nothing flowed very smoothly for me yesterday, I didn't get a great deal done, and what I did get done took FOREVER!!!!! *wry smile*

Today, before I got out of bed, I went through my mental, "Things I am grateful for" list. I smiled to myself, and thought, "I believe I have just chosen today's filter."

Everything was easy today! Nothing had changed about my world from yesterday, all things were the same, the house was still in the same state, the work was still piled up where I left it in disgust and frustration yesterday, the cat still disliked me...nothing had changed about the physical world. What HAD changed, was the filter I was using.

So I looked at the "stuff" I had on my 'to do' list, I asked myself the "Why does this matter and why am I doing it?' question, got straight to the heart of the matter and then away I went. I chose to be grateful I had things to work on, grateful for my Derwent pencils, grateful for the computer that had given me a frustrated feeling the day before, amazingly grateful for beautiful people who believe my words have some value for them, grateful for my perspective on the world, grateful for the mess in my house which tells me I have enough "stuff" to be messy and a place to be messy in...and on it went.

While I looked through the filter of frustration yesterday, all of these things were a "problem" for me. When I changed the filter to gratitude, they all became a delight and wonder and filled my heart.

With a heart full of gratitude and the love and wonder that brings, ALL things are possible and easy.

With love and light
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

You only value what you have to work for

I am sure that everyone has had times in their life where everything seems to be really hard, where every victory has to be fought for and every step forward is a struggle?

During one such moment, sick to death of having to fight for everything and feeling like everything was a struggle, I DEMANDED that my divine team tell me WHY everything had to be so hard, WHY I seemed to have to learn my lessons and remember my knowledge in the most difficult manner.

The answer took me totally by surprise....

I heard it quite clearly, and I suddenly couldn't do anything other than laugh!

The answer was so simple. Things SEEMED hard and it looked as though I had to struggle to make any forward ground because that is exactly what I EXPECTED! Somewhere along the line, I bought into the notion that the only things with value are things that are not easy to obtain. That we cherish only that which we have worked hard for, that nothing worth having is easily obtained...and all of those other clichéd sayings!!!!!!

Bah...

For someone who seemingly "understands" that words and perception create our reality, I had made a serious misunderstanding!

From that moment on, I took the perspective that my life lessons and my journey can be/are easy; the journey is blessedly smooth and free of obstacles and that I will hear and listen to the divine guidance offered to me.

The universe will ALWAYS provide you with what you EXPECT! I choose the easy and joyful journey.

With love and light

xoxoxoxoxoxox

Through the pain...

In a moment today, I looked at my contract again and saw I had signed up for a moment of pain. Not nice, not comfortable and most definitely not something I would usually share. I had this fleeting vision of my spirit self sitting there, skimming through all the details and going, "Yeah, I can definitely handle that, no problem really. I've got the skills and the know how and all the tools I need. You guys are going to back me up aren't you? Yes? Well then, nothing to be said further, I'll just sign this and we're off."

Today, for a moment, I wanted to scream at my spirit self; I wanted to take her by the shoulders and shake her till her teeth rattled and say, "Did you READ that? Do you remember that there's a possibility you'll forget all of this when you get there? Did you forget you will be a mortal, a HUMAN being?"

I sat with this image for a while, after all, the human in me needed to take a moment to remind myself that I wouldn't have signed up for anything I couldn't handle and that railing against that choice for a moment might be a little therapeutic too. 

All those cliches also popped into and out of my head as well; "Battle scars only prove that you are tougher than what tried to hurt you," "Every painful moment carries it's lesson of beauty" "Time heals all wounds"...well, thanks divine team, that helps a little *wry smile* being human, none of these have ANY relevance to me in a moment of pain.

Forgive and move on, my heart whispered..."I know, I'm doing it" I replied.

Calling in the "Big guns" I continued to just sit with the moment, not trying to analyse, not being angry, afraid, hurt, embracing the numbness of shock, setting aside outrage and a sense of betrayal and injustice, just sitting, just being, just asking for help with my whole soul and heart to just pass through the moment thinking only about the love and living in forgiveness...no punishment, no blame...just love, only love.

This became a kind of mantra really, a healing, soothing balm which took the sting and the angst from the moment.

My heart rate slowed, the urge to cry settled and I felt calmer. Closing my eyes and opening my heart I again asked for help and this time remembered to give my permission for the healing to occur.

Words floated across my consciousness, beauty, an image or two. I didn't try to hold on to them, just feel the intent behind them. Then it came to me, "Keep the wonder." 

I cannot hold my hand out towards the future without taking a risk or two, I cannot look to the beauty and wonder of the world without also perceiving there is death and decay, I cannot walk my path as a human and not, at one point or another, experience loss or pain.

What I can do, is I can make the choice not to let the sparkle and the magic bleed from my eyes, I can choose to acknowledge and know that love is there around me and I can choose to remember that no matter how big the job I signed up for seems, I also chose a great team to stand at my back and by my side.

With love and light
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoox

Eternal love

So much to say about this topic, and yet, there is so much I would rather not say simply because it is a very personal and deep topic.

I spent my childhood dreaming of the love I would have and the amazingness of the "perfect man" and all that entails. I fantasised through my teenage years about being swept off my feet by a man who would love and cherish me and with whom I could share every part of me with unconditional love, respect, friendship and a sense of peace and completeness.

I am fairly sure I am telling everyone's story here...it is not until later that we find ourselves becoming a little cynical and jaded about this thing we call "love".

What I have discovered along my journey is that love, true and eternal love, actually begins with the self.

I know, not very earth shattering is it? I am sure it is not the first time you have heard this particular statement, and I bet, if this is a concept that crosses your mind regularly that you're not all that happy about hearing it again.

However, I believe it IS quite earth shattering, it is momentous, and so VERY, VERY important.

No one will love you more than you love yourself. Making an agreement with yourself, your team and your "mate" whether future or now is more important than you might think.

I read some beautiful words just recently written by a lady called, Oriah Mountain Dreamer from a text called "The Invitation" and it really solidified this concept for me. Basically it wrote an invitation, with an open and loving heart, not tinged with regrets and bitterness from past loves, to the person she wished to have in her life. It was a soulful communication to the universe, her divine team and the lover than was yet to be in her life about the way she would chose to think, be and feel in eternal love. To e, it was also an agreement to let go of past experiences, to open her heart and soul to invite the love in.

In order to have eternal love, it is first important to be willing to receive it by loving yourself.

With love and light

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoo

Anything is possible

"It would be lovely to just live the life I want without a thought in the world for everything else wouldn't it? But THIS is my reality, like it or not, these are the cards I was dealt and the hand I need to play."

This statement was made to me just recently...my heart sank, my throat grew tight and I managed to mumble some appropriate reply before I walked away.

Another person who has decided to "settle" for what they think they were given.

The truth is, whether you wish to believe it or not, we have a choice in how we live our lives AND we were given the power to change it.

The only dictate, the only "thing" we were dealt, is the power and ability to choose. The only instructions we were given is to live happy and joyful lives, and in so doing, bring the light and love of our joy to others.

I don't really know how to go about changing the mind of someone who chooses to believe there is nothing else for them, and I don't think it is even my right to try. Change is a personal thing, something that happens only from within.

I know, and believe that we have the power to change the way our life is currently and create the future we desire...for me...this is EVERYTHING.

With love and light
xoxoxoxoxoxoox

You did your best

Sometimes we get so caught up in our journey and our need to remember or learn new skills that we forget something REALLY important.

Every now and again it is a great and amazing part of our journey to stop and take a quick glance behind us. Think of it a little like driving a car; there is the front windscreen, but there is also a rear view mirror. While it is essential to keep eyes forward most of the time in order to navigate and to keep focused on where we're going, just like driving a car, it is just as important to take a quick glance to the back and sides on occasion in order to be able to see our progress!

Take a minute or two to really LOOK at how far you have come. SEE the journey you have made and give yourself a pat on the back. ACKNOWLEDGE the effort you went to and the moments that have been and gone. Even if you perceive you have failed, give thanks for and credit to, the effort and learning that have happened along the way.

We aren't required to be perfect. My goal is to be the best example of a HUMAN BEING that I can be.

With love and light
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

P.S. I was thinking of a gorgeous being I know who loves all things car, and I couldn't stay away from this analogy...you know who you are ;)

Riding the whirlwind

This moment in time for me is a really dynamic, exciting and frenzied time. It is a moment where a million things and nothing are happening all at once. It is an awakening, a creative frenzy, a hypersensitive, emotive, uncontrolled  delightful, scary whirlwind of energy...that's just how it is right now *smile*

Please don't think I have abandoned my writing or that my irregularity means anything other than the fact that I am really and truly just going where the wind takes me in this moment and loving every minute of it.

This is a time of immense growth and transition and development, a moment where my whole perception of reality is shifting and changing to meet the needs of the new me that is emerging; so please be patient with me as I, at times, shelter in the cocoon.

I have found the times when I a the most productive and where the perfect flow of events occurs when I am not trying to control, think about or give direction to anything going on around me. The creative explosions that happen every now again, like now, are times where all of those intentions sent out to the universe collide and manifest. The only way to get it all done is for me to just go with it, and abandon myself to the joy and every thing else that goes with it.

I am in love with this moment and all else has to stand by the wayside at times for me to move through *laugh* did that even make sense?

The secret, I think, to getting everything done that I plan to get done is to just step on into the whirlwind and follow my heart.

With love and light
xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

The Power to move on

Have you ever felt that you were a bit stuck where you are? That there is something holding you back from moving on or moving forward? That everywhere you turn there are road blocks?

I have SO been in this space, many, many, many (OK you get the message *smile*) times. It's not a particularly nice place to be actually. 

There is one method I have found work EVERY time to help propel me forward again; not slowly creeping, or barely moving, but propels me at a run into the next stage of this magnificent journey.

I'm not sure you're going to like it, I know I didn't the first, second, third and possibly even fourth and fifth time I heard it *laugh* however, I will pass it on to you and let you be the judge.

We all know by now that the only REAL obstacle in our path is ourselves (damn it all) and so then, to get past a blockage, we need to look within.

I was looking back at myself just recently, I took a peek into my memories and dredged up the 15 year old me. Essentially, the same girl; MAJOR difference being that my temper was on a far shorter fuse, and the results spectacular!!!!! and NOT in a good way. I used my knowledge of words to systematically cut down any one I thought of as threatening, which is to say getting to close to me, and I was ruthless in my determination to remove any "threat". I was sorry afterwards of course, but that sorrow turned rather quickly to self pity. I held a grudge against anyone I thought had wronged me, and once my enmity was gained, there was never any forgiveness or compassion ever again. Nice piece of work huh? I really was a nice girl and I did love and care for my friends and strive to be good, it wasn't all bad *wry grin* Unless of course you were on the receiving end of some of that other stuff....*cringe*

So what's my point; the purpose for bringing 15 year old Roxanne out for introductions? 

In order to move forward from this point and to grow and mature, the very first thing I had to do was look myself in the eye and take ownership of the person I was at current. Without rancour, without sorrow and most DEFINITELY without judgement, I looked at myself and decided I did not like the person I was currently showing to the outside world.

Having taken responsibility for the person I was, and acknowledging that I had a choice about the behaviours I showed and the actions I took, I was then free to forgive myself and start to make changes.

When I feel as though I am stuck, when the "I'm a little hard done by" moments emerge, when I think there are "things" holding me back, the FIRST thing I do now is look myself in the eye!

As hard as it may be to hear and to accept, we are the creators of our current situation, and only we have the power to transform ourselves and our lives in order to propel us into a new future.

With love and light
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo