A Solitary Journey

There are times on this journey of mine, the one I contracted for, the one I agreed to, when I have been given moments to pause and go...WHAT?

I am sure I am not at all alone in this experience. Every one, every single person has moments in their lives where they have cause to wonder why something happens, why ugliness is allowed, why loneliness occurs, why it seems at times that our life journey is particularly hard or distasteful, all of those things...

At the moment, my journey is a relatively solitary one. I am human, I enjoy the company of good people, I love cooking for and interacting with others, I need the solace that comes from interacting with a like minded person, as all humans do. 
At the moment though, my journey appears to be a solitary one. ALL attempts at letting people in to my inner circle, opening up to others, invites to a meal a coffee or a chat are being spurned or for totally valid and non personal reasons, just not working out (A sick child, bad timing, not enough notice, busy lives etc)

This has made me stop and pause...for three weeks now (possibly longer) the only contact I have had with other humans is superficial and fleeting; a five minute chat with the person making my coffee, a glance and a wave at a familiar face down town, a little joke and a laugh with the fabulous team at my local post office, all of which are wonderful moments, however, no lasting and deeper interaction.

So, since "coincidence" on this scale seems ludicrous, I have looked at this moment and asked WHAT??????

If you are a frequent reader of this blog (not that my posts have been all that frequent lately...sorry) then you know that I generally follow my instincts and the tugs at my heart that let me know louder than words that I am being offered a direction and guidance from the team of divine beings that I constantly interact with.

So...what is the direction, what am I being told, what lesson is there to learn in all of this solitary confinement I seem to be experiencing at the moment? I actually still don't know.

There are some things I DO know though.

Through each of these seeming "rejections" of me as a person (and P.S. I am an amazing person to know *silly grin*) I have constantly heard a phrase from a book I read once called The Four Agreements that states, "Stop taking things so personally!" OK...so, lesson being, breathe, relax, be grateful and thankful, and stop taking it personally...I get that, and have "chucked" some dissolving fluid on those thought patterns, and released the need to take it all personally..."Job done," I say to my team, "So now can I have some company?"

Hmmm...it seems "No," was the answer to that question as the polite declines, and some not so polite declines kept coming in.

"Be happy in your own company before you invite someone else in to join you. That way, you will know whether you enjoy their company, or whether you are seeking them out through desperation," is the next thought I heard whispered on the wind. This one seemed a little more complex that the "Don't take it personally" insight, I mean, after all, I am truly happy in my own company, I LOVE alone time and be myself time and not responsible for any one or anything time. I pondered, in a light and non thinking way, on this recurring thought. In the silent times, the alone times, the no company for weeks times I have noticed a tendency for my brain and ego (damn them...*Wry grin*) to intervene with ridiculous and ludicrous thoughts like, "You'll always be alone," "No one really loves and understands you," "You can only ever rely on yourself, everyone else will let you down," "Perhaps there's something wrong with you/me?" These thought patterns are totally dismissed for the ego driven rubbish that they are, from my concious mind at least, so I dug a little deeper and pondered a little further and found that perhaps still a part of me (a very small part of me) might possibly believe some of these things. I sat by moving water, breathed deeply, immersed myself totally in the moment and the surroundings and the universe as a whole, and again "chucked" some dissolving fluid on those particular types of thoughts and promised myself I will totally be on the look out for that kind of ego sabotage in future.....feeling lighter and more buoyant as each moment passes.

At this point, I have given up of fathoming the lesson...that's right, I threw in the towel *laughing* In the end, I stated quite emphatically to my divine team, "This is not what I want, nor what I contracted for, so, guide me to change it...in human time please" Then, I let the whole thing go and went to dinner by myself in a lovely restaurant. I took my drawing journal and sketched faeries while I waited for my meal. This made people look at my book and several struck up a conversation. I chatted to the people in charge of serving me for the evening, I had lovely interactions with complete strangers that were complimentary, and genuine and heart warming.

Then, it dawned on me (I'm a bit slow sometimes I'll admit) that the moment I stopped struggling and questioning and, I'll admit it, demanding, people were automatically attracted to my energy and bought themselves into my space, however fleetingly.

So, for the moment, my journey is a solitary one, but not for one minute am I really on my own. I am happy to be me, I am happy to be uniquely different, weird, and eccentric. I love me dearly, and I am/can be patient in waiting and learning and growing and for sometimes to NOT understand the next step or the current moment.

I write this post, wondering if somewhere, some beautiful, magnificent and totally awesome light being needed to hear that they are not the only one who feels lonely, abandoned and isolated at times? 

You're not alone dear one, I'm right there beside you at the moment.

With love and light
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Walk past the human moments

So many times misunderstandings and arguments have come up in my life because I couldn't (or more likely wouldn't) walk past the human moments.

By human moments, I mean when someone is acting (in my perception) selfishly, ignorantly, said something I have taken personally or out of context, me reading my personal baggage into a completely innocent statement, arrogance and rudeness etc. 

When faced by one of these circumstances, it is at times rather difficult for me not to act as a riled cat with my tail all fluffed up, hissing and spitting and generally carrying on. (There's a nice visual for you)

A lot of times, I have acted, in what I saw, as "self-defence" immediately going on the attack and taking no prisoners ..the down side to having a solid vocabulary and the willingness to use it, is that in these moments, so much damage can be done that there is no room for understanding and forgiveness later when the mistake has been realised.

*sigh*

In later years, as I have walked further down my path and come to a deeper understanding of the concept that we are all of the same source, all beautiful and divine in our own way, and all possess the right of choice and non-judgement, I have managed to cage the cat somewhat *laugh* Still, she is sometimes there beneath the surface.

Now, I practise what I call "walking past the human moments." (Notice I said "practise")  I choose silence in the face of all of the scenarios I described above, even when it is REALLY obvious to me that someone is trying to get under my skin or being deliberately and wantonly rude or ignorant. In the moment of silence, I look for the light being that is all of us in essence. I look past the humanness of the actions, and really attempt to see the person who has affronted me. With that moment, I am usually able to discover part of the reason/reasons for the persons behaviour, I am able to remind myself that I should remember that all of us are fighting one battle or another and it is not fair or right to judge when I don't know the story. In short, by giving silence, I give myself a moment to step away from judgement and to embrace forgiveness and understanding rather than judgement...then, the "need" to retaliate is passed by.

I want to say also, that I used to see this as a weakness, not retaliating when others are rude or offensive. I used to think I had not stood up for myself or put myself forward....what I know now, is that I accept responsibility for only one persons actions...my own.

With love and light
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

The power of a choice

I felt the overwhelming urge today to rant a little bit...to let loose on a powerful surge of dissatisfaction, misunderstandings, injustice (as I perceived it), angst and a whole list of other things. As this diatribe was on my tongue and in my finger tips I stopped  I didn't feel right about unleashing that type of energy, and I definitely didn't feel right about giving more power and energy to situations that I certainly didn't feel appreciative of.

I did what I always do in such situations, I went and sat outside in my garden. Lately I feel I may possibly have worn a groove in my seat out there *sigh*

Slowly, the anger subsided, leaking out of me and into the plants for them to disperse. As this started happening, I started to hear the things, I suspect, my divine team had been trying to tell me all day *wry grin* I started to get flashes of insight on controlling what I could and releasing what I could not control. I felt that overwhelming urge to surrender the whole situation to the divine...slowly, but surely, the need to unleash a diatribe of invectives passed me by.

Frustration led me to this place, relaxing in my tranquil garden in silence and without thinking, released me from taking actions out of this frustration.

I was reminded again that NONE of us are victims, we ALL have the ability to make choices. We are co-creators in our own reality (the other creators of course being the divine) and that there is power in the ability to choose. While I did NOT choose the circumstances I was put in today, I did choose my response. While I may not have chosen to be confronted and judgemental about what I experienced (in the short term response) I did choose not to give in to the impulse to take action on that judgement or to hurt another because of it. While I did not choose the actions of others, I (eventually) did choose not to let their choices spoil my inner peace and calm.

We were given the power to choose in order to release us from the trap of judgement and anger, and to give us the power of co-creation in our reality.

With love and light
xoxoxoxoxox

The little voice inside of you

You know that little voice inside of you that whispers guidance  or sometimes even tells you what is about to happen....and then it DOES happen? You know the voice I mean? The one that says turn left here, even though you had no intention of turning that way, and then you do and everything is perfect because it was the exact short cut you needed to be on time.

You know that voice?

That voice is your soul, your team, the divine that is within you...you can trust it.

Call it intuition, call it signs and messages from your divine team, call it universal energy, call it whatever you will, the fact of the matter is all of us have this voice inside of us, guiding, directing, supporting and assisting.

There is another voice too though...the one that says, "That'll never work," and "tell her she's dreaming," and other things like that. Do you know that voice? That is our brain and ego trying to impose itself upon our conscious mind in order to keep us in a safe place comfort zone, to prevent us taking risks, increasing fear, and basically being negative.

Out of the two, I know which voice I'm choosing to listen to...

With love and light
xoxoxoxoxox

Case by case

One of our very human qualities, and one I work constantly on reminding myself is an invalid and non-useful quality, is that of stereotyping. I am positive that at some point, we have all been caught by this one, even if it was on a sub-conscious level.

Lumping every person or thing into the same category based on a set of presumed characteristics is stereotyping. As we all know well, each of us is unique, special and individual, and yet we all have this habit of "organising" the world into different categories.

I have just come back from a flying visit with my brother out in Roma (Western Queensland, Australia), and had a few of my own subconscious stereotypes thrown into my face and was asked by my team to do some thinking on what I was going to do with the new information?

Western Queensland has a harsh and unforgiving landscape, it is arid land where beautifully determined men and women make a living from the land, major mining companies work out there to extract things from the earth for human use, and of course cattle farming and crop growing are all the main areas of production out there. As I drove past open cut mines, I shed a bit of a tear while at the same time being entranced by the beauty of the rock and the colour as it sat piled in mounds. I saw cattle ranging through bushland and imagined the erosion and destruction caused by their passing...all my stereotypes came to the fore as I drove for 10 hours through this country.

While I always strive to act, live, think and interact without judgement with each person I meet, this was a bit more difficult when I was confronted with the scenarios I have described above. My PERCEPTION of what I was seeing was based only on stereotypes, not on any kind of reality.

So, I arrived at my brothers place (a cattle farmer and a bank manager...I know right?) a little unsure about what we would talk about for three days since I hadn't seen him for a long time and only spoken a few words here and there at family gatherings.

I fell back on a strategy I use in the classroom....I talked about what interested him, setting all judgements and stereotypes aside to really LISTEN to the responses to my billion and one questions about farming. I watched as I was allowed to tag along through the paddocks while he tended his cattle and did the things he knew to do but which were completely foreign to me. I spoke to his neighbours and the locals down the pub where we went for dinner, and I truly saw and heard the people behind the stereotype. I started photographing on the second day and took thousands of photos of the people, the landscape, the cattle, the fields...everything to store into my memory banks a far more accurate account of the people I had so willingly (if unknowingly) tried to fit into a particular mold.

I was unsurprised in the end to know how judgemental I had been...and the solution to it too...I walked a mile in my brother's shoes, and I knew he and I were the same.

My strategy then, to eliminate the stereotypes and boxes and categories my human brain tries to fit people into is so simple...case by case. Without judgement, and without exception, each person is a divine and blessed being, it is not my place to judge and I can avoid the trap of stereotyping by reminding myself to take each person as they present themselves to me, to love them for who they are and not who I wish they could be, or who I perceived them to be, to know that we all share the same concerns for a loving, peaceful and abundant world.

With love and light
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ego

I use the term ego a lot and at some point earlier on I also described ego to a certain extent, however, I feel it is worth commenting on again.

When I use the term ego I am not referring to the healthy love and respect everyone should cultivate and develop for themselves. This is essential to living in a place of love, after all, love of self is where it all begins. When I refer to actions made from ego, I am talking about the part of each of us that responds in a very human way to the world around us instead of connecting to the divine within us.

The ego is the part that whispers negativity in our ears on occasion, or makes us view the actions of another as suspect when they are only being authentic. The ego is the little gremlin in all of us that acts to sabotage our pure and divine intent and make us wander a little away from the path.

The ego is/can be quite sneaky and hides itself as "common sense" or taking a "reality" check. Ego also resides in others and comes out in the same way. When we make judgements about others, take actions that are purely self motivated (as opposed to self healing), when we use words that are negative or hurtful, these are moments of ego where our humanness over rides our inner divinity.

Ego is where self doubt comes from, where judgement comes from, where hatred, despair and all those other negative aspects come from.

Of course, like everything else I speak about, this is a part of us and who we are. Forgiveness and love is the key to preventing us LIVING in our egos. When you make a choice to set aside and refuse to listen to the ego gremlin *smile* you make the choice to act in love. This choice doesn't mean that you will never have moments where you judge someone else's actions, or that you will never doubt yourself and others and have moments where everything seems to hard to bear (all of these are ego moments), what it does mean is that in the moment, when your ego sneaks up on you, you will recognise it for what it is and refuse to acknowledge whatever thoughts your ego inspires at the time. It also means that you can forgive yourself and others for these actions.

Perfection lies in knowing you have done everything to live, breathe and act from love. That you take action to help others where appropriate, that you look after yourself and your needs and that you make choices that lead you along the path to your life's purpose. MOST importantly, perfection lies in knowing the truth about yourself and forgiving yourself the mistakes and moments of ego that emerge from time to time.

Set your ego aside, know it for what it is, and open your heart in welcome.

With love and light
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxo

Why do I do this?

I was sitting and pondering (meditating) on the message I was to write today. I kept thinking about my reasons for writing this blog post every day, for writing and illustrating children's stories and wondering what it is that urges me to write in this fashion and how anyone would want to "listen" to the words I type. That's right...a sneak attack by my ego today. When I wasn't paying attention it reached up behind me and tried to sabotage me...smile.

I heard the voices of my divine team lovingly reassuring me that they are with me and that all I had to do was continue to act with integrity, honest and to follow the instincts and intuitions that have told me this is the right path to take. I do what I do because this is a part of my true life's purpose. I am filled with this purpose daily and I know that this is the contract I signed and the path I must tread.

I am a healer, I see my role as one of bringing love and light to many without judgement or prejudice. I feel that the words I write have an impact on the people who need to hear it and that the stories and pictures are just another way in which to do that. My goal is to bring peace to those who need it in whatever way, shape or form they need it. So my answer then to the question I posed to myself (or rather my ego posed to me) is that, "this is just what I do." When I get nervous that I am acting out of ego, fear or self interest, I focus on service and the role I have been given and agreed to. This takes away all the fear and reminds me of who I am and the tasks I have yet to perform.

It is my sincere hope and wish that the words I type for others to read, and the images that flow from my pencil tips through divine inspiration are a comforting and healing presence in the world.

This is who I am and what I do. You get exactly what you see from me and every action and word spoken by me through these media are said with only one purpose in mind, that is to help others to heal themselves and spread loving energy to others. That is it in it's entirety. This is the thought that keeps me typing and drawing, this is what motivates me to listen to the voices and messages of the angels and other divine entities that constantly surround me, support me and encourage me to continue with the work that I do.

For those of you that read what I type, I am glad you can find comfort and healing within the lines and see divine love with each emerging image. I thank you for accepting this gift from me in the nature with which it was given. More than you know, the healing works both ways...reading your comments on my face book page and seeing that people are interested and receiving the messages I have to tell is a source of comfort and healing in itself.

Archangel Michael speaks to me now, with his wings wrapped firmly around me, his powerful purple light enveloping us both, he smiles as I type and I am aware of his presence and that he is proud of me. I am truly blessed and feel elated.

With infinite love and blessings

Roxanne
xoxoxo

Other people's ego...

It is difficult sometimes to deal with personalities and ego's around you. Let's face it, dealing with your own ego takes some work in the beginning, let along dealing with someone else's.

I tend to limit the amount of time I spend with people who live from their ego (if you would like further clarification on this, please read the "Living in your ego" post.) this is not always possible though.

How do you adjust and cope on a daily basis with someone who lives from their ego? There are no tried and true tested tips I can give you for this because each situation, each person and each experience is different.

I first try to remember that everyone has their own battle to fight. Since I am unaware of what that might be or how it informs their thinking, I won't pass judgement on their actions.

I then attempt to 'reteach' these people on how to treat me (there is another post on this also) by firmly and lovingly reminding them I am due respect and courtesy as all people are.

I ask for help and understanding (as well as solutions) from my divine guides.

If none of this is successful in creating enough of a change as quickly as I need it to happen, I take a life review. I ask myself the message I might be getting by having this difficult person in my path. I ask if they (the other person) is a reminder to return to my true life's purpose or some way an indicator to light up a different direction.

Then, because I have done all of these things first, I minimise the amount of time I spend with this person where possible (this has once or twice led me to seek employment elsewhere) and ignore their behaviours where possible.

This leads to peace for me, and certainly harms them not at all...not everyone wants to be healed, reached out to, or reasoned with. This is a sad truth, but, a truth none-the-less.

With blessings

xoxoxoxox

Operating from the ego...

When I talk about ego, I am not referring to the healthy love and respect everyone should cultivate and develop for and about themselves. I am referring to a place/way of being that excludes thoughts of anything except self.

The ability to love others, accept people without judgment, to care and respect all living things...this is a divine concept. It is the way of looking at the world that I strive for even though I am imperfect. Seeing the world from this perspective, is seeing the world as though through the eyes of an angel, and it is a wonderful and healing place to operate from. All positivity, acceptance, respect, kindness and patience comes from this part of you. Everyone belongs in this place and everyone has the ability to make decisions based on the lessons of love that angels have to give. Thoughts that are divine and pure come from this place and each thought or action from here bring you closer to the divine.

However, it is unfortunate to me, that we also have the "ability" to operate and make decisions based solely in the ego. This is the source of selfishness, negativity, maliciousness, manipulation and deceit. Strong words I know, but these are the results of acting always from the ego. When someone is behaving in this way and creating hurt and negativity around them instead of love, patience and acceptance, they can be said to be acting from the ego. They have forgotten the divine grace that is the heritage of us all and our "true" selves.

This concept of ego is foreign to divine beings. They just can't grasp making decisions without concern or regard for the consequences to others when we speak with our ego and not our divine and loving selves. They can help us to minimise the time we spend here though.

When we are "home" (heaven, whatever term you wish to call this place) we cannot operate from the ego any more than angels can. It just seems some of us do forget these lessons when we arrive in our current incarnation.

No one can exist solely in the ego and not be harmful to themselves and others.

It is not hard to start operating through our divine selves really. It is a matter of dismissing the negative from our own thoughts and from what we hear from others, and accepting that the only true and pure information comes from our true and divine selves. Allow others to grow and see these truths in their own way and in their own time. In other words don't 'punsih' or reprimand people who are struggling with seeing positives and ignoring negatives. But also, don't let these people rule your life choices and responses. Forgive them, project your own love and kindness towards them, and move on.

I have little enough time in this incarnation to spend on doing the work I contracted to do while I was here. I most certainly don't wish, nor do I choose, to spend this time with people who do not attempt to connect with their divine self as much as possible. I love them as I love all people and I can forgive their hurtfulness.

It is only a matter of deciding, and then asking for help and support to 'hear' only the positive information and accept that love, truth, kindness and respect is our heritage.

With many blessings

xoxoxoxoxoxoxox