Wednesday, 16 January 2013

To harm or to heal...

There are some emotions in our spectrum that definitely belong only to us; to humans that is, and they can be quite harmful. Anger, hate, distrust, fear and blame...just to name a few. While all of us at times, will experience this full range of emotive responses, our ability to mitigate them as soon as possible is to our own benefit.

Just recently, I experienced a "moment" a point in time that was a bit of a struggle and through the actions of another, I felt pain, disappointment and a whole gambit of non-useful emotions. .. bleh...not nice at all. All of a sudden, I was unable to sleep properly, the scenarios just kept going around and around in my head, I felt righteous, angry, and was laying a whole heap of blame at the feet of the other being involved.

Not helpful in the least.

While there is no doubt that the actions of another person precipitated these moments, it could also be said that I in turn, fed the experience by feeding fuel on the fire so to speak.

It was during the midst of this experience that I was given to understand a little more about guilt and blame and what an insidious set they can be. I consciously let go of blame, I chose to relay the events without blaming anyone (including myself for allowing the situation to develop) and to release the need to find someone at fault. Now, I'm not saying this was an easy skill to master, but it can be done.

In trying to find someone else to blame, it is possible I was trying to relinquish my own responsibility or to lessen the blow, in actual fact, what I was doing was creating a pool of anger and resentment around me, and building a wall between myself and others in order to protect myself from being hurt in the same way again...sheesh...also not helpful.

I looked at the situation from a more detached point of view, then, I repeated over and over again the statement, "No one is to blame, this situation just is as it is." Even when I was telling a close friend about the situation, I said these words again, each time reinforcing the belief that this is true.

In releasing the need to lay blame, I released the need to judge and to be angry. In so doing, I found it so much easier to move on without adding to my hurt.

In short, by adding no blame I could forgive, and so heal and move on.

With love and light

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