Sunday, 10 April 2011

Love...according to me :D

Where do you start with a topic like this one? It is a topic that has been abused, commercialised and fantasized for Milena. It has been talked to death and "Hollywoodised" as well as used as a weapon countless times. One blog is not enough to even begin a discussion...

But, I am going to give it a shot!

I have spoken already about respect and love for self and how important this is (see post on the most important forgiveness) so I think I will start from this point.

Why is it that for some love seems to be a fleeting and elusive emotion only dreamed about and for others it is a long and enduring part of their daily lives? I believe this is a conscious choice that starts with your decision to live your life and to make all of your decisions based in love.

When you decide that the only tings that are real and true are things that come from love, when you can see, feel and manifest positives from this place, the you attract it in turn.

I know myself the times when I have felt the most unloved and lonely have been times when the only things i could see as real where the negatives, the dramas and the struggle. It was in letting go of these things and learning to consciously operate from a positive place that I became more comfortable with who I was/am and a more confident and able person. This in turn then attracted people to me. I in turn was able to respond in kind.

Love comes in all different shapes, sizes and forms. I think the most important lesson I learnt about love came from a book called The 5 Love Languages written by a husband and wife team (well worth the read). The basic premise of the book was to indicate that love is expressed in 5 different ways and that our difficulties come when we fail to recognise the love language being used to communicate with us. For detailed information on these love languages I urge you to read the book, but here they are in a nutshell:

1. Words of affirmation: people who use this love language give compliments often and say "I love you" a lot. They use words to express how they feel and need you to do this in return. They love to be told they are great at something, that they are the light of your life or that they look particularly stunning in that outfit (boys..for goodness sakes, don't say "nice")

2. Physical Touch: These are the huggers and kissers.  They can't walk past you without wanting to give you a hug. As friends, they are the ones who constantly touch you arm when they speak or bump up against you. They need to be hugged in return!

3. Quality time: These are the people who are not happy with time spent on the couch with you. They need to know you are genuinely paying attention, that the time you spend with them is worthwhile and "quality" not that you are just existing in the same space as each other. These people need your pure and undivided attention.

4. Acts of service: These are the people that would do anything for you. They step in and give you a break from your chores, they cook meals for you when you're sick, they make sure your needs are met in a thousand small ways everyday. These people LOVE it when you offer to take a job off their hands for them no matter how small.

5. Gift Giving: These are the people who are always showing up with little pressies. Not always big things, but they just can't go past the "perfect" gift for you when they see it. A constant stream of small gifts will come from these people. They love to receive gifts in return as well. Even if the gift is very small, like a flower you picked out of the garden on your way in the door.

I'm sure by now you have identified with one or more of these love languages? When I first read this book I thought to myself, "I am definitely an acts of service girl." The beautiful thing about learning this lesson, is that I can now operate within all of the love languages and try to suit the action to the person. A Lot of my friends are physical touch I learnt to like being hugged (it was either that, or be subconsciously telling them I did not love them)

Most misunderstandings come from a lack of understanding about how the people around you are saying they love you whether they are friends, family, lovers, or work colleagues.
Learning to understand other people's way of saying they love you, helps you to identify a loving action far more readily. This allows you to feel more loved, to be more confident and also to attract more love into your life...

So there we have according to me!  :D

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