Thursday, 30 June 2011


It is difficult not to feel hurt when someone you love, trust and feel loyalty towards does something that you sense as a betrayal. It is much easier for people we love to do, say or participate in something we can feel betrayed and hurt by. This feeling though, is akin to fear and bitterness in some respects. Of course people can and do act from their egos (for more information on this, please see an earlier post titled "living from your ego). Having said that though, it is also possible for us to view their actions from our own ego.

Only things that come from a place of love and positivity are real, all else is ego. But what do you do when you feel betrayed? When someone you love and trust does something that hurts you?

There are a few ways I look at this particular feeling. Firstly I analyse what the action, words etc were that have made me feel this sense and try to look at what those same actions might have meant to the other person. I know myself I have at times "put my foot in it" thinking I was doing something to help someone and have ended up hurting the other person's feelings. We're mortals, we make mistakes. So I guess my first step is to look at the situation with objectivity and try to find the intent behind the action. I ask myself whether the other person deliberately meant to hurt me or whether it was an unwitting by product of the moment they acted from their ego. This determines my future action.

If I feel as though a person has acted to deliberately hurt or betray me, I ask them about it, telling them how I have perceived the situation and ask them to clarify their intent. I am mortal, while I always have divine assistance when I ask for it, at times it is just as easy to ask. Often this action is enough to clear up the situation. If the other person acts to deliberately betray and hurt me, then my course is really quite clear, that person is no longer someone I spend time with. If this is unavoidable (for example if it is a work colleague) then that person is never given the opportunity to hurt me again.

This is an important point I think, people can only betray you if you give them the opportunity to do so. You have to trust them with a part of yourself and give them permission in effect, to hurt you. If there is someone in your life who has proven that they are not able to have the responsibility of carrying a part of you with them, then take it back! Erect a shield around yourself, without malice or the intention to hurt them in return. Simply withdraw your permission for that person to have involvement with you. The key here though is to do these things without the intent to hurt in return.

If it turns out that the other person has hurt or betrayed me by accident just by being a little unthinking or having a moment where their ego took over for a bit, my course of action is simple. I forgive them! That's as complicated as it gets. We are all mortal, and we make mistakes as a mortal, we make decisions that affect those around us and sometimes those decisions cause hurt to others. Own how you feel, acknowledge and take responsibility for these feelings. After all, they are your feelings and are important to you. Denying you are hurt is actually hurtful to you. So, take ownership of the way you feel, ask yourself why you feel this way, then ask for help in being able to let these feelings go and grant forgiveness.

I guess the end result is that if you are able to forgive someone who betrays you (whether on purpose or by accident) then you take away the hurt and you remove their ability to hurt you further. If you hold on to the hurt or worse yet, seek vengeance for the hurt, then you are actually hurting yourself further and more than anyone else has the power to do. Bitterness, betrayal, envy, jealousy, anger, fear and all such emotions are hurtful to YOU. These feeling do not affect the other person. It is you who will suffer and hurt if you allow these feelings to stay with you.

With love and light


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