Monday, 12 December 2011

It's not my place to judge.....but...

Judgement is a really destructive force, it is one that can start wars and disputes and cause massive amounts of emotional harm. Yet, we are constantly making judgements about people and situations even though most of it is not a conscious process.

This is one of the hardest things I have learnt (or am still learning) to let go of and mainly because it becomes such a part of me that I am largely unconscious of the process that occurs before and as a judgement is made.

For me, when I am judging others, it usually comes from a place where I have made the determination that someone is doing something "wrong". The easy form of judgement to let go of was/is judging someone on their appearance, mannerisms or something like that. it is really easy to stop making these kinds of judgements.

Each of us has instilled a moral compass if you like; a set of ideals by which we make all of our decisions on what to do and what not to do and the way we determine what is right and what is wrong. It is when someone does, or say something, or acts in some way contrary to this internal guidance system that we make the kind of judgements that it is difficult at times to let go of.

I am a vegetarian; this is my choice mainly because my body tends to get rather irate with me when I consume meat, but I also have a strong feeling against something having to die to feed me. This was not instilled in me as a part of my upbringing, it is a more recent addition to my compass. However, I do not judge anyone who decides to eat meat. This is one of those things that, while a part of my moral compass, does not affect my view of anyone else.

I cannot stand cruelty or bullying. This code is a deeply embedded part of my moral compass, it is so entrenched that every part of my being protests at the thought of people being cruel let alone actually witnessing it. When I do witness bullying, I immediately jump to judgement, I immediately want to defend the person being bullied (without stopping to think that there are two sides to every story and that bullying cannot be solved by more bullying) and I harshly judge the person I perceive as the bully. This reaction is so instinctive that i have no control over this initial response. However, over time, as I started to recognise these responses for what they really are (that is a judgement of others) I have begun to develop strategies to stop myself acting impulsively on these feelings.

I will NOT stand by and watch cruelty so that i can be non-judgemental about the situation. I don't feel this is right either. However, I will act with compassion for both parties involved and seek to find understanding as well as encouraging forgiveness, for myself as well as the persons involved.

This one is a tough one! Each of us has to work at our own methods of dealing with these types of judgements; that is the ones that are so ingrained, or that we feel are because of what is right and what is wrong.

I thought it was important though to point out that these things are still judgements. (Sucks a bit doesn't it?)

With love and light

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