Thursday, 27 September 2012

Being strong...

One of the most difficult life lessons for me has been in those moments in time when I really should be allowing myself to show "weakness" (as I perceive it) and giving others the opportunity to help me, that I insist on "being strong."

In actual fact, this is not strong, and it's not even particularly intelligent...if it goes on too long, it is quite possibly harmful as well.

The lesson for me, is the fact that knowing my own boundaries, knowing where to draw the line in helping others and in having time for myself and my own needs is not only beneficial, but essential!!!

Knowing that I have reached the limit of what I am actually capable of doing without harm to myself, and loving and respecting myself enough to say "no, with all the love in my heart, no" is a life skill I was slow to learn, and one I am still actually working on.

There is a sense of "selfishness" and "guilt" and a whole heap of other humanly constructed emotive responses that flit across my conscious mind in these moments. 

I have had to/and sometimes still have to, ask for some divine assistance in order to put a lid on the guilt, shame and sense of selfishness in order to take the time I need to do what I need to do for me and to say "no" to the people who perceive they need me.

At times, I have even gone as far as to break an agreement with another person in order to look after myself. That is, I have said I will help with this bake sale, or I will show up to that public appearance or whatever the case may be, and I have had to call and cancel. This is also very difficult for me.

The end result though is that if you continue to do things just because you said you would, because you would feel guilty or selfish if you didn't or some other form of obligation then I am not giving a gift of my time and services....only resentment can grow.

With love and light

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