Saturday, 13 October 2012

When "why?" and "how?" don't matter

I know that a few days ago (maybe a week) I wrote a post about having a "why" to what you do being really important. I'm not going back on that now don't worry...*smile* There ARE times though, when why and how have no relevance to you at all.

I am often confronted by what I see in the world around me. My heart is hurt often by the actions of others, even when I am not directly involved or the recipient. The question I sometimes torture myself with is "Why? Why would someone behave in that way? Why would you deliberately act to hurt someone else, to sabotage them, to judge them?" (what ever the story might be.) The other question is "How? How did this happen? How CAN this happen? How did I allow this situation to develop?" and other how questions like that.

These How and Why questions are actually completely irrelevant when it comes right down to it, and in fact, in a way, they are a form of judgement.

So now, I am really stern with myself about these things. I remind myself that the why and the how are totally irrelevant and that what I need to focus my intention on is not trying to figure out what, to me, is totally unfathomable, but what my desired outcome is and what I intend to do with the information I have now that I may not have had before.

For instance, someone I trusted completely betrayed that trust in telling a third (and unfortunately a fourth and fifth as well) party some information I had confided to them. For me, this is a big deal, it crosses one of those major personal integrity lines, and as we know, those are the hardest things to forgive. I know that the person who did this, also knew that I felt very strongly about my perception of betrayal in this situation. So, when I found out, my first response was to ask, "Why would you do that to me when you knew it would hurt me?" It seemed a deliberate act of harm *heart hurt* Setting the "why" aside, because there is no way I can decipher someones motive for their actions with 100% accuracy  I then asked myself a FAR more important and TOTALLY relevant question, "What are you going to do with this information now that you have it?"

The point of all this is that the only person's actions I can control are my own, the only responses I can govern are my own and therefore, that is where I choose to focus my energy. I know me REALLY well, I know what I choose to accept, my belief system and my responses in most situations, and so, this is where I choose to concentrate my energy.

In this situation, the answer to the question was simple, "Well, with this information, now that I have it, I choose to forgive that moment of human/ego based "stuff" and to see the real light within that person, and to forgive myself and not punish myself for trusting someone that chose to betray that trust.  I ALSO choose not to ever take that person into my confidence again so that there are no more opportunities for them to hurt me. I choose not to judge, and to accept that that was the other person's choice and therefore nothing to do with me. I choose to move on, and I say thank you to my divine team that I could be given a situation to see that this was not a person I could confide in any longer. I choose not to be angry, because that will only hurt me."

By choosing to focus on "what happens next" rather than, "why and how did that happen" we can manifest an outcome rather than sitting with the problem and letting it hurt us further.

With love and light

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