Tuesday, 27 November 2012

Can you be faithless?

I know right? This seems like the strangest and most confusing topic for a blog relating to a spiritual journey...let me explain.

One of the lessons I have found the most difficult to learn, on fact one I am still having to remind myself of and remember constantly, is about respecting my own boundaries.

Growing up, I learnt the lesson that "to serve others in humility" was the path to goodness. That to do things that only serve yourself is vain, selfish and the path to REALLY bad things happening. This "lesson" was taught to me through my experiences with the world around me by friends, by family, by compete strangers. I have to consciously act against conditioning now to do something because I feel the need to; to be by myself, to take time out, to make art instead of do reporting, to take the day off when I'm sick rather than forcing myself to go into work and struggle through the day, to say "no" when people are asking too much of me, and all of those types of things rather than doing things because I feel obligated, because I feel like I am letting others down, because I worry that they see me as selfish etc, etc.

So when I say,  "Can you be faithless?" what i really mean is, can you honour and respect yourself and your boundaries, even if it means "braking faith" with someone else?

The reason I feel this is one of THE most important lessons I have so far encountered on my journey is this...when I don't respect myself or my boundaries and needs, I am teaching others how to treat me, and telling the universe that it is fine for others to ignore me.

The MOMENT I realised this, I began retraining years of conditioning out of me! No way did I want to teach others that they can do whatever they want, speak to me in whatever way they choose and ignore my needs and boundaries at whim...and yet, this is exactly what I had been doing.

Now, I am faithless; I do what I need to do to respect myself, my boundaries and my needs. In doing so, people treat me with more respect than previously, they no longer ask me for more than I can/choose to give, and if they do, and I say "no" I am respected for that, not shunned. In retraining myself, I am also actively retraining others in the manner I expect to be treated, after all, no one is obligated to treat me better than I do myself.

With love and light

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